Taylor Lautner, Diva

Remember reading about Taylor Lautner's random diva attitude about how he was suing the company he rented an RV from for causing "emotional distress" when the RV wasn't delivered on time? Well if you didn't, sorry I brought this up. You could live a normal, healthy life without ever learning about the legal problems surrounding a teen werewolf. Or anything surrounding a teen werewolf, for that matter.

Well, the lawsuit keeps getting more interesting (utterly devoid of anything interesting) as the owner of the RV company, Brent McMahon, has challenged Taylor Lautner to a push-up contest in order to settle the dispute. Because it makes sense, you know. Challenge somebody renowned for their physical appearance and their physical appearance alone to an exercise competition. Surprisingly, though, Taylor Lautner denied the request, which got me thinking, which absurd contest would Taylor Lautner actually accept? The ones he thought he'd have a real chance of winning?

1. Smile off



2. Screenwriting and/or taking Twilight seriously competition 3.Pretending to have a personality contest 4. Having unbelievable sexual tension with Taylor Swift-off 5. Lastly and rather ironically, probably some sort of push-up or sit-up challenge

The Emmys

The Emmys were last night. (Betty White joke.) A lot of new winners, like Modern Family, Jim Parsons, and Kyra Sedgwick, emerged. (Betty White joke.) And Jimmy Fallon hosted. (Betty White joke.) Yes, that's basically the Emmys telecast in font form, but with less Betty White jokes. Here's the opening skit, with Jimmy Fallon, Glee stars, Jorge Garcia, and, of course, Betty White:




This was pretty good, with limited cringe-worthy moments, but cringe-worthy moments nonetheless. Jimmy trying to rock out, and yelling "C'mon! Yeah! C'mon!" at people like Glenn Close seemed like trying to excite a retirement community. And Randy Jackson? Alright. The best moment comes at about 6:26, when Neil Patrick Harris feels he might be upstaged for merely singing about remotes the previous year. But then he remembers the Neil Patrick Harris Principle, which guarantees that anything Neil Patrick Harris does is better than whatever people who aren't Neil Patrick Harris do. And he smiles.

Highs:
- Jimmy Fallon's Green Day ode to Lost 
- 98% of the Temple Grandin speeches
- That look on Matthew Fox's face when his name was called as a nominee that was so "I ain't winning this for that!" 
- Angela Chase winning an Emmy. How do I know it was Angela Chase who won an Emmy and not Claire Danes? The use of the term "for serious."  
- The elimination of false modesty from the guy who accepted for The Daily Show: "It's hard to feel bad [for the other nominees] because we work really hard." Can every award show have at least one winner from now on (not named Mo'Nique) that exclaims "I earned this, and they didn't!"

Lows:
- Archie "this is good for my career!" Panjabi
- The popularity contest masquerading as an In Memoriam
- No Tina Fey acceptance speeches
- The fact that Two and a Half Men was included in the "Comedy" montage
- The entire being that is Giuliana Rancic
- Al Pacino's whispered ramblings and the awkward cut to Jack Kevorkian himself

In Betweens: 
- NBC's subliminal messages about their unannounced but presumably developed ER television movie. What else can explain the many appearances of fan favorites George Clooney, Julianna Margulies, and Maura Tierney? Sally Field chose the wrong year to suck
- That Top Chef producer who tripped
- Ricky Gervais handing out three trays' worth of beer to the audience. It's a little better than Glee's pizza shilling at the People's Choice Awards, but not much

What did you think of "TV's biggest night"? Or were you busy watching Mad Men and True Blood?

Emmys - Best Dressed

Best Dressed at Emmys 2010? Personal thoughts:

Dianna Agron, Angela Chase, January Jones

More commentary to come. (Is Betty White the only old woman that it's funny to have sex with? Is it less funny to sleep with Cloris Leachman and Fionnula Flanagan? How do you measure that?)

Also, kill me in the comments for choosing January, if you must. She's a hot mess I can get behind.

David Yost Is Gay

David Yost came out of the closet to No Pink Spandex. What? David Yost isn't a household name? Well, does this refresh your memory...

That's better, isn't it? It's Billy the Blue Power Ranger! Unlike Neil Patrick Harris or Lance Bass, Yost probably can't secure a major media outlet in order to document the shocking news that somebody from a 90's show is gay. If it weren't interesting enough that Yost was gay (it wasn't, really), he also reveals that the directors, writers, and producers of Might Morphin' Power Rangers were incredibly anti-gay and harassed Yost until he left the set one day.

The people behind this picture:

were homophobic? People appeared like this on the show regularly. That is, sans shirts and wrestling. And, if I recall, lifting weights was a big part of the show. Even though none of those muscles showed when the Rangers were actually morphed. (I hate myself for writing that last sentence. And for remembering all of this.) But the members of the creative team behind this show (and I use the term "creative team" very loosely) weren't okay with a gay cast member? It's like the creators of My So-Called Life not being okay with teen angst or fabrics that double as couch prints:

Jimmy Fallon Is Totally Hip!

In an effort to resuscitate the Emmys (voted on by a select group of Eisenhower's former confidantes), Jimmy Fallon has a new (hip) way of introducing the presenters: He plans to introduce the celebrities with suggestions from the common folk's Twitters. Cause Twitter is what the teens do. C'mon Emmys, are you this outdated that Twitter is your attempt at relevance? If you were going for "relevant," Jon Cryer wouldn't be nominated. Neither would Tony Shalhoub. But this idea wouldn't have been as sad if Jimmy didn't give a really lame, half-assed example of how he'll incorporate the tweets into the introductions:

"Blahblahblah says Jon Hamm is the hottest guy of all time. Here he is — Jon Hamm"

Now it feels less like a "young person!" gimmick, and more like Jimmy is completely out of ideas and actually needs suggestions on how to introduce the presenters. The hottest guy of all time? And Tina Fey is the funniest woman of all time! And Matthew Perry is the best Friend of all time! Jimmy, these practically write themselves. What do you need our help for?

Angelina Jolie, Director

Angelina Jolie is planning on writing, directing, and possibly starring in a love story during the Bosnian War. It's being reported that Angelina is currently leaning towards not starring in the movie, so all she has to do is find somebody who wants to spend months of their time with the Jolie-Pitts in Hungary (where the film's being shot)... George Clooney? Or is he too busy being that lovable, scruffy, practical joker we all know and just adore? In that case, I'm fresh out of ideas. But, word is, Jennifer Aniston's ever-deepening hole of depression and loneliness she resides in is getting deeper and deeper after her sperm-donor romantic comedy flopped at the box-office. Could this be the hit she needs? Things that may happen if Angelina Jolie directs Jennifer Aniston: 1. Universe implosion 2. Ken Baker having an orgasm 3. Gwyneth Paltrow commentary (the best kind, no?) on how she, too, has had to spend time with Brad after they split.

The Kardashians and $5 Million Abs

KSo Kthe Kpremiere Kof Kthe Knew Kseason Kof KKeeping KUp KWith KThe KKardashians Kposted Krecord Kratings. (Yes, Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney, that's what it's like for the rest of us.)

And it's been reported that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino will make $5 million by the end of 2010, so it's been a pretty solid day for people who have surprisingly influential body parts. (See: Kim's ass, The Situation's abs.) There are only a few things that make me sadder than the fact that somebody whose nickname is "The Situation" is making more money than anybody whose nickname is "The Situation" ever should be, and they are 1. Famine 2. Nuclear holocaust 3. This interviewer 4. Cameron Diaz's smile's ability to convey "See my movie!" and "Pity me" at the same time 5. The fact that GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow's self-help website, is available en español. A lot of Gwyneth's Spanish friends like to know her detox tips. 

There's the smile!

My First Post

It's my first post, in case you couldn't tell from the lack of previous posting, or maybe it was the title that tipped you off?

So what's this all about? Let the colon direct you to that:

This blog has been created to make sure the annoyingness of certain celebrities/media personalities (hey there, country star Gwyneth!) don't go unchecked.

It's comments like Oliver Stone's recent confession in which he said his films as of late get mixed reception because critics are holding a grudge against him because they just totally hated JFK, and not because he makes questionable decisions, like having a 35 year old actress portray the mother of a 34 year old actor, that will keep this blog going. 

So, here's to you, Megan Foxes and Real Housewives of the world. Thanks for the inspiration! 

So many Housewives! Enough to topple Andy Cohen's regime? Hopefully.